Thoughts #6: Time Investment

There's a finite amount of brain power that I have and there's more people and situations that require more attention than I am willing to give. I know you've ran into this problem and if you haven't, I'd call you a liar or a miracle worker.

There's a few kinds of situations where I could devote my attention to, but almost every one of them involves a person. What I've learned out of experience is that my emotional investment in someone or something is limited and I need to decide who or what, to focus my attention towards.

In a.. let's call it a, misunderstanding, that recently happened to me, I was constantly thinking about how this person, let's call them Charlie, acted towards me and I was relentlessly thought of confusing explanations as to why Charlie responded to me in such a hostile way. While I understood my friendship with Charlie was not very strong to begin and the fact that Ben has not acknowledged my apologies, my need to understand the situation and make sense of all the confusion superseded my rational side, which told me to leave the situation alone and move on without closure. In short, Charlie isn't worth wasting my brain power.

My misgivings with Charlie have not been mollified and nor do I think they will any time soon. However, to me, it's been a small learning experience.

I've realized from this that: (1) I can't always get closure, (2) I can't expect to always have a mature conversation about a conflict, and (3) I shouldn't waste my effort into something that truly doesn't matter in the long run.

This brings me to thinking about my future. I frequently think about how communication between people, whether it's myself and someone else, or observing a conversation as a bystander. When someone in particular begins to bother me, though, I stress out over the small details of what I'll say and worry about their reactions. But, when I do some self-reflection and put the situation in terms of the grand scheme of things, more often than not does the conclusion tell me that it's a minute part of life and there's no need to sweat over it.

This experience with Charlie has brought to my attention that not everyone is worth the same amount of time and effort that you expect to receive in return. I can only put 50% into acquiescing a conflict. The other person involved must input the remaining 50% effort. And, it's only when the other person is prepared to confront the situation (preferably, like an adult) that the conflict can eventually be resolved.

All in all, conflicts suck, but there's a lot to learn from them about who you are and who the other person is, too. It's best not to waste time and mental energy on people who don't appreciate the effort you've put in, and simply redirect that energy towards something more useful.