I like watching youtube videos every now and then. A long while ago, I stumbled upon Dean Leysen who posts videos about the most random facts you could ever think of and also his opinions about life. One video was "Advice for my Younger Self". He got a question from a user, "What advice would you give your younger self in three sentences?". He responded with:
1. Don't try to impress anyone. It's overrated and you don't have anything to prove to anybody.
2. Don't take anything for granted and realize that you have everything you need to be happy.
3. Realize that your emotions and your happiness are your responsibility and no one else's.
Let's talk about the number one.
My initial reaction is: duh. Of course I don't do that. Not ever. No sir. Nope. But, I'm on my high horse. I don't want to acknowledge that I'm insecure. I don't want to face the truth that I'm trying too hard to be the perfect image someone else conjured up for me to be. Because, um, yeah, that's kind of dumb. So, I thought I knew what this meant. Of course, I don't want to suck up to someone and try to make them impressed with my personality. Let's be real - I'm can be pretty offbeat. But, what about impressing my boss? A new potential girlfriend? Or even that cute boy I see across the room? What about them? If I'm not supposed to try to impress everyone, how do I impress everyone? Seems like a paradox to me.
I turned to self-reflection. What was I doing at this point? Was I really sucking up to people? What does that even mean? What I was doing, was exactly what not to do: trying to impress people. Thinking back to past relationships, intimate and not, I knew immediately, yes. I do try too hard to impress people sometimes. I know I put myself in situations I don't feel comfortable in just to have small talk with someone who doesn't even seem to appreciate my company. One particular instance was over an internship. A fellow intern worked in the same group I had been assigned to. Consequently, we took a few trips to the store together in her car to pick up some work-related items. (To preface, I'm still trying to figure out if I'm comfortable in silences or not, but that's beside the point.) Every time I was left alone with this girl, I can't explain to you the awkward silence that ensued. Here's me, a little shy, trying to make small talk ("hey, so you guys had a pretty good weekend?"), making little to no eye contact (we're in the car), and her, focused on the road, not smiling much, seemingly disinterested, curt responses. I'm trying to be friends with her. I'm trying to get her attention. I'm trying to make myself seem a little more interesting because I'm quiet around her. But, I try to no avail. I take the relationship for what it is for the remainder of my summer, easing myself off of attempting to be friends with her because the fact of the matter is: I don't care about our "friendship" - I just wanted to be not so awkward around her.
I learned trying to impress this one person, another intern even, really sucked. In no way, shape, or form, did I feel comfortable in that situation. I can't understand why I was even trying so hard. I knew deep down, this relationship wasn't going anywhere. How do you become friends with someone who doesn't seem to be curious about someone else's life?
Of course, similar encounters occur with other people. For me, it's most prominent during the first few weeks of a new relationship. No, I'm not going to show them that I'm actually a weirdo - just ask my family - because, that's right, I'm a normal person, just like everyone else. And so, in an effort to protect my image with this person, who, keep in mind, holds absolutely no real weight in my life (yet), I become a different person, change my ways to seem more approachable, relatable, and acceptable. I have a feeling this happens with a lot of people.
The reality of the matter is, my image of what they think of me is much more inflated than reality. Typically, I think that they noticed the smallest of details. Later, if I get the chance to mention the small detail again, the most common response I get is, "Oh, hahha, I didn't even notice." So, what DO they notice? What do you notice about other people?
My point is, even if you do the small things for other person, in an effort to impress them with your (already) awesome personality, they might not even notice it. In trying to become friends with the intern, I truly felt awkward and uncomfortable and judged even ("Why is the girl trying to talk to me? Bleh" is what I thought she was thinking.) The conclusion I draw from situations like that is to simply avoid situations like that. I don't want to feel inferior and as if my insecurities have had open heart surgery on them. Why the hell would I put myself through that if I don't have to? I think impressing someone comes with being an already confident person who is comfortable with who they are. That takes time to work on, too. In the end, the most important person you need to impress is yourself, so put that effort which would otherwise directed towards someone else, into taking care of yourself.
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